and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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