I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
