I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Randomize
