he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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