i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
