idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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