Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
