I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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