I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
