talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
