Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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