The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
