and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
