you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
