why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
