Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
