I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
