if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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