I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
