no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
