He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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