shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
