He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
