I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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