Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
