We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
