I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
