I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
