i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Randomize
