omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
