I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
