Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
