dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
