Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
