hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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