dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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