I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
two words: eviction party
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
