You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
