All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
