I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
