so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
