going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
