Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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