Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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