i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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