community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
