Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
