just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
In other news, I just burned my penis
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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