i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
