you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
