Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
