remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
